I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize
