Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
