Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Randomize
