I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
