I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
