His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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