She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
