Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
