Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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