Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
