we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
