You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
