i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
