I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
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