just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
