look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
