If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
