theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
my liver is dry heaving
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
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