I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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