so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
PANTIES FOUND
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