My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
