New invention idea: vibrating tampons
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
