I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
