so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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