I need help removing her.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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