There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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