He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
