When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
