Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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