OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
