six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
