At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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