if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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