i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
