to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
