Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
