my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
