im drinking this country out of the recession.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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