Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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