Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
