i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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