We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
ttyl tear gas
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
