Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
