I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Randomize
