you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
