Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
