I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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