my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
