Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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