just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
