It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
