Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
operation harelip BJ is a go
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
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