I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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