I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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